Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
