K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
