Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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