This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
