I faked an abortion last night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
