i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
