I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
