Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ttyl tear gas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
