Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
