I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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