You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
