3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize