She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
