that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
