I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
