her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
