i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I lost the right to judge tonight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
