Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
