In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
