the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
