fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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