you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
