I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
