One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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