I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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