how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
