Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
