people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
