....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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