member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
