Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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