you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
