this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
