was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize