No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
