haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
