I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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