What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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