Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
