he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
