He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
