I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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