My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
