Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
