Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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