Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
