I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
