I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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