look no pants
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
