ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
