I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
