Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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