One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
