just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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