My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
