Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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