just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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