He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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