This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
