Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
