"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
