I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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