Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need to sanitize my soul.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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