someone threw a dead crab at me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
