He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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