I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
how drunk are you?
Several
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
