i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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