garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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