yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
