just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
