I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
