If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
