we have officially lost it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
